A number of weeks ago I chanced to enter a Culver's restaurant, whereupon, after I received my chicken tenders and plate of chips, I discovered there to be free Wi-Fi (information dispensed by a sign on the nearby wall, which I had not seen until that moment). Having my trusty, somewhat dusty Metallic Blue Nintendo DSi with me, I connected to the internet and, thus, to the DSi Shop.
I had read things on Nintendo's website about so-called, "DSiWare"... verily, the console itself came with six such applications installed already (Mario vs. Donkey Kong: Minis March Again, Mario Clock, Mario Calculator, FlipNote Studio, and two that I've never actually used). In any event, so intrigued was I at the prospect of having instant access to new programmes that I spent 20 quid on 2000 Nintendo Points. From Culver's free Wi-Fi, I downloaded three DSiWare applications: Rhythm Core Alpha, MusicON: Retro Keyboard, and Scrabble Classic. That left me with 500 Points which were burning the proverbial hole in my pocket until today. At a local grocery store, I discovered there to be free Wi-Fi again. I connected my DSi to it and downloaded one final programme: myNotebook: Carbon ("Carbon" referring to the colour, not the footprint).

Now, on an unrelated note, I also recently found myself in the local shopping-centre's Verizon Wireless store. I had been studying a Droid X, I think it was -- comparing it to a BlackBerry: functionality versus overhead costs and subscription fees.  I need a new mobile phone and I've narrowed it down to three candidates: a Droid, a BlackBerry, or an iPhone. Controversy and hidden charges surround all three, but that's how stuff works in a capitalist society: who can swindle their subscribers out of as much money as possible.  I figure five million owners of these devices across the country can't be all wrong -- they must see something in them, otherwise they wouldn't be selling as well as they are.

And now, the link between the two topics.
It seems to me as though all of the applications... er, "apps" for Android, BlackBerry, and iPhone are all intended to perform the same general function as DSiWare -- to be downloaded from a remote location onto the user's mobile device for use at any time of the day or night, anywhere on the face of the planet (sort of).  I already have a Nintendo DSi... DSi Shop is my App Store. Someone needs to discover that Nintendo are making a gigantic error in judgement by not using DSiWare to compete with other mobile devices. DSiWare developers seem to be focussing mainly on games ("It's for Nintendo -- the Mario people!"), whilst they could be doing a great deal more. Post-It Notes that one can write on and "stick" to their DSi's main menu! Graphing calculators! Address books! Tax software! Tip calculators! Graph paper! Day-planners! Dictionaries! Thesauri! Translators! Why, Nintendo could corner the market on paper and calculator apps alone! Never mind what could be done outside DSiWare... entire suites of office stuff (stickynotes, calendars, address books, day-planners, and notepaper all in one DS card)! Architectural design suites! Then, someone like SanDisk could come along and make a sleek, compact, yet durable DS card holder that could fit in one's pocket.

Don't get me wrong -- Flips: The Bubonic Builders is fine in its own right, but Nintendo are stunting their own growth by not seeing the DSi's full potential as a mobile device. Specialising in games is no longer an option. In this era of the iPhone, people want to be able to do stuff with their devices. Maybe assign one team to work on games and another to work exclusively on mobile apps?

It'll work, mates!

Posted by theniftyperson at 1:18 AM CDT

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Ever since the turn of the century, I have been continuously perplexed at my generation's insistence on being "unique".  However, everything that we consider to be "unique" has been played out and standardised for decades.

Take gangsta-rap as an example.  Actually, no... take it to be an icon, a monolith, a veritable monument to standardism. The formula for a hip-hop, R&B, or gangsta-rap piece hasn't changed since the genres' introduction in the '80s: a simplistic acoustic or synthesised melodic loop consisting of one measure in 4/4 time, non-musical verse loosely superimposed over it, and a bass/drum line designed to destroy your lower-end car-stereo speakers.
Now, in the case of R&B, a variable-note improvised vocal part, typically a female voice, is added to the list as well. In the case of gangsta-rap, the verse tends to speed up, perhaps in an effort to sneak profanity and graphical descriptions of violence past the label's censors.

Now, for some reason, much of my generation have taken hip-hop to be the manifestation of rebellion.  Somehow, this standardised formula which has been copied by hundreds of so-called "rappers" since the '80s has become the thing people think of when they rail against "The Man".  A number of R&B songs have been written with current events in the subject matter. Anti-Bush, pro-choice versus pro-life, the election of President Obama, anti-war sentiment, Christianity versus Islam, that sort of thing. I even heard a gangsta-rap thing the other day about breaking into jail and decapitating Bernard Madoff, among other things (mostly about freeing fellow gang-bangers from prison).

Anyway, hip-hop et. al. has become something of a dumping ground for disestablishmentarian sentiment. Not only that, but it has regularly been mistaken for "music".  The Webster's New World Dictionary, Second Collegiate Edition defines music as:

The art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds or tones in varying melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre so as to form structurally complete and emotionally expressive compositions.

That's the crux of the whole matter right there -- varying melody and harmony. Neither hip-hop, nor R&B, nor gangsta-rap have any of the above. There may be a simple melody, but nothing that varies. Compare Hans Zimmer to Eminem... it's like comparing a violin to an elastic band. Both will create constant harmonic tones if plucked with the finger, but only the violin has the staying-power to create a vast sequence of musical notes, where the elastic will eventually break.

Unfortunately, standards have fallen since Webster's Second Collegiate dictionary was published back in 1970. Internet Explorer's built-in Encarta Dictionary: English (North America) defines music so:

Sounds, usually produced by instruments or voices, that are arranged or played in order to create an effect

...Essentially, something you knock up in a few minutes that you can get gunned down in the street for releasing.

I have no qualms about saying this: hip-hop, R&B, and gangsta-rap were all responsible for the downfall of And Now for Something Completely Different. Adopting the felonious attitude and pigheadedness of millionaire rappers, the hosts of the hip-hop "music" programme on KZUM managed to slide around professionalism and co-opt the programming director into participating in their scheme. I am convinced that the rapper credo of "why ask for something when you can steal it?" was the inspiration behind the conspiracy which eventually ended my radio programme.

But, enough personal inferences. The point of this rambling, apart from "to waste space on the Tripod servers", is this.
Rebellion is only rebellious so long as it remains unique. If enough people begin rebelling in the same way, then the rebellion, itself, sets the new standard of normalcy. Even the anarchy so desperately fought for by the subjects of the rap will still retain a measure of order if achieved. ("What?") Consider, if you please, the ancient Greek and Roman eras. No real centralised government existed until Rome's downfall was near. In effect, anarchy. The "Empire" was, in fact, comprised of hundreds of individual city-states with their own laws and societal mores. What was legal in Town A may have been a capital offence in Town B.
The point: rebellion doesn't get you anywhere. Basically, instead of creating chaos from order, you create a new kind of order which future generations may seek to overthrow with their own "rebellion".

Posted by theniftyperson at 9:11 PM CDT

Updated: Tuesday, 7 September 2010 10:29 PM CDT

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After many long months of development, I finally have enough music written and improvised for a third album! Unless I can come up with a better title, it will be called "Dai Sakusen", after the title track.

I'm rather proud of myself, if one may be so bold -- on the last two albums, there were a lot of short songs and one really long song. In both cases, "Terra-Metrics". If it hadn't been for that song, Utopia wouldn't have happened -- at the time, "Terra" was just over nine minutes in length, bringing the total album duration to just over 20 minutes. In Autumn State, I re-recorded "Terra", which shortened it to about 8:45. Still rather long.  But, "Terra" can't get any better than it was in Autumn State, so I'm not including it in Dai Sakusen.  I decided that at a fairly early stage... meaning I couldn't use its sheer length as a crutch (as portion-control, if you like) to write less music.
Here's the track list as it stands now...

1. Dai Sakusen! (The Grand Adventure)
2. The Paved Frontier
3. SIMesthesia
4. If the Walls Could Talk
5. Night Drive
6. Rain on the Road
7. City Sunset
8. An Autumn State of Mind (Spiny McSpleen's Theme)
9. Freshmen 4 Ever

To offset the lack of "Terra" in this album, I decided to compose longer songs. The shortest one is the improvised, "If the Walls Could Talk", lasting only 1:53. The longest is "City Sunset" at 5:48. The average song time on the whole album is about 2:55. The total duration is 28:23.

Of course, there is a slight problem in the distribution process. All right, two problems. Problem one: I don't have a radio programme anymore. Even if the host of the programme before mine was an arrogant bastard, at least I had a means by which I could debut my own music. Problem two: I don't have a Facebook account anymore. I maintained a "J Sebastian Perry" fan page there where I would update my fans (all six of them) about new compositions and albums.

So, essentially, I have the finished product, but no way of making people aware of it.

Never mind.

Posted by theniftyperson at 9:00 PM CDT

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It's not a good habit to be in -- updating one's blog only every so often. There was a time when I was writing at least something in it every single day.  So, I thought I should clear away the cobwebs and write something for a change.

Right... where to begin?

Last month sometime, I came up with an idea for a children's chapter book series -- not for kindergarteners who only know a few words, but for the older kids who are more perceptive to so-called "vocabulary words". Quite honestly, I don't think I could manage to write a Dick, Jane & Spot-type book... I'd spend months just dumbing down my vocabulary. But, I digress...
The series is that of mystery, akin to The Boxcar Children or Encyclopedia Brown or something. The protagonist's name is "Eric Porter" (an Anglicised version of "Hercule Poirot"). He is in the fourth grade of an American elementary school (where he shall remain, in perpetuity -- too many perfectly good kids' book characters have been ruined because their respective authors decided to age them like real people), he has a sister in second grade, named "Leah" and he enjoys playing "Holmes & Watson" on the playground, where he is Holmes and his friend, Jason, is Watson.
Thus far, I have fourteen potential plot ideas, but only ten of them will be written into actual volumes. I've written two books already (they're not very long -- the longest is 18 pages in Microsoft Works) and the third one is forthcoming. Once I've finished it, I know a publishing firm here in town where I can have it distributed. That's likely to happen by Q1 2011, so look for the first three books in the Eric Porter: Private Detective series to show up in a bookshop near you.

Next, I've managed to find that Enterprise episode I was talking about in the previous entry. It was a series two episode called "Carbon Creek". That information turned out to be irrelevant, however, as I couldn't recall what I needed it for. Pathetic, really.

Proceeding, now. On Thursday last, I attended a broadcasters' job fair to see what kind of opportunities exist for a free-agent manly announcing voice. Two television stations, two radio co-operatives, and our local PBS/NPR affiliate were represented. One of the TV stations' representatives right put me off ("We're not a radio station," he said, "We don't need announcers." Well, my good sir, I imagine your advertising division would argue against that statement!), but the other told me just to send along a demo CD of all of my voices and accents and they'd listen to it (I know: "Kiss of death. You'll never hear from them again." It's something, anyway). The PBS/NPR affiliate told me the same thing, whilst adding that they will have need for a fill-in announcer at some point in the near future. So, tomorrow or the day after, I'll be recording a new demo.
An aside -- I know that people want to appear as professional as possible when looking for a job in such a fiercely competitive market as mass media. However, this job fair took place on the hottest day of a 1.5 week heat-wave. Air temperature of 100 Fahrenheit, dewpoints in the 70s, heat index of 110. I was hot enough in my simple (though tasteful) polo shirt and trousers -- there were two blokes and a (really cute) girl in attendance who wore suits! In retrospect, I probably should have contrived to get that girl's mobile number... oh well.

And finally, I seem to have become something of a celebrity amongst the staff of a small coffee-shop and bakery known as Thé Cup ("thé" being French for "tea"). See, there's a piano at this shop. If you were to know me, you'd know that my motto is "Give me a piano and I'll play it." Also, this Thé Cup has proximity to a local high school, meaning they're likely to attract my kind of audience. The highlight of my piano repertoire is a medley of ten or eleven songs from Mario and Zelda (plus, my inability to play the proper harmonies in the Super Mario Brothers theme has led me to create a distinctively New Age chord progression to play instead of Kondo-san's time-tested chords).
Anyway, I went there today... well, yesterday, I guess (I haven't slept yet)... and ordered my usual: Earl Grey tea and a scone. After I'd been sitting at the table with my order for, perhaps, three minutes, a girl from the staff approached. She introduced herself as "Dani" and said that she, personally, "loves [my] piano-playing".  Now, I've gotten myself into more trouble than I care to recall, speculating about relationships on this blog. But, suffice it to say, I believe I will contrive to return to Thé Cup tomorrow.

Posted by theniftyperson at 1:27 AM CDT

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Dash it all! I was going along, working on the Star Trek portion of The Mind's Rubbish Bin and, suddenly, I fall into a hole.

It seems that an episode of Enterprise that I thought I saw in the original run doesn't actually exist. Perchance you had the same illusion as I?
Archer, Tucker, and T'Pol are discussing stuff and T'Pol mentions that one of her ancestors was part of a group of Vulcans who crashed their ship on Earth in the 1950s. In the penultimate scene, T'Pol's ancestor is seen giving to someone at a desk a bit of Velcro.
Also, I seem to have mislaid an episode of Voyager... I think. It may also be from Enterprise.  Someone, who I have satisfied myself to be Tom Paris (though it may be Trip Tucker) had a run-in with a cloaking device and had their entire arm (or torso) disappear on them.

As Hercule Poirot would say, the little grey cells are not functioning properly. Rather than click and scroll forever on Memory Alpha, I could leave it to the mind as I sleep, then have fish for breakfast. Cough.
Or, perhaps you might be able to solve the problem.
If you know which episodes I'm talking about, reply to this post and tell me as much as you can about the title and the series (or, "season") in which it was seen.

In any case, I have managed to assemble a great deal of trivial crap about Star Trek, both the programme by that name and the franchise. The Mind's Rubbish Bin is being slowly emptied so it can be filled again.

Posted by theniftyperson at 11:43 PM CDT

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The Smithsonian Institution. Long regarded as the most educated place in America. When one hears of something being inducted into the Smithsonian, one can assume that it is M4D L337 important to American history. Buzz Aldrin's spacesuit, Mickey Mouse concept sketches, the Wright Brothers' aeroplane, et cetera. Yesterday, something arrived in the Smithsonian Institution, putting it on the Map of Niftiness.

Vince and Larry, the slapstick crash dummy advocates for safety belts, were inducted into the Smithsonian. Vince and Larry, themselves, were present to accept the honour.
Why would a pair of crash test dummies be accepted into this elite society?

Picture this... the 1980s. Automobile collisions are one of the greatest killers in the United States simply because drivers would ignore their safety belts.  After years of giving Americans grave warnings about the dangers of such behaviour, someone at the Ad Council finally got a new idea. Don't make it a grave affair ("You're going to die if you don't don't buckle up!") -- suggest to the television viewer that it would be in his best interest by presenting a 30-second educational show with two crash dummies (Vince and Larry), demonstrating how safety-belts can save one's life in a collision ("Don't be a dummy! Buckle your safety belt!")
Somehow, they managed to win over the American public with their slapstick antics and catchy raps and suddenly, as though by magic, auto-crash fatalities started becoming less frequent. People started using their safety belts -- in some cases, for the first time since the car was purchased.  The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration directly credits Vince and Larry with this new trend in American road safety.
So popular were these two crash dummies that they became as recognisable as sports-team mascots. People started asking for manufacturing rights to the characters, making lunchboxes, t-shirts, buttons, paper goods, and all sorts of things.
However, the thing for which I, personally, remember Vince and Larry is the unlicensed stuff.  In 1991, Tyco Toys produced a line of action figures called the Crash Dummies, inspired by the Vince and Larry PSAs, with the aforementioned dummies as a part of the line.  Eventually, Vince was replaced by Slick and Larry by Spin, and the line became known as The Incredible Crash Dummies.

Oddly, the NBC News article didn't mention that.  In any case, various props and costumes from the PSAs were placed into the collection for all to see.
If only this had occurred a few years ago -- Night at the Museum 2 could have benefited from Vince and Larry's presence. Taking the Model T out for a spin.

Posted by theniftyperson at 1:47 AM CDT

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As you all know, July the Fourth is American Independence Day. Typically, one celebrates by lighting fireworks and observing their effects from an unsafe distance.  Most, if not all, American cities have contracted a pyrotechnics company to create a fireworks display for its denizens to watch.  If you're one of the people who plan to be present for one such display, here's something to think about whilst you do so...

Independence Day is celebrated by watching Chinese or Italian fireworks from the comfort of a collapsible deck-chair made in Indonesia or a beach towel made in Sri Lanka. In some cases, one can also hear an orchestra of Japanese-made instruments play a song by a Russian composer about a European war. Some will even wave Mexican-made American flags.  Unless one happens to live where I do, in which case all of that has been shot down by a rain-bringing cold front from Canada.

At least, that's how this Englishman sees it.

Posted by theniftyperson at 5:05 PM CDT

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I've been on about James Bond quite a lot recently. Mainly, it's because of Activision's surprising announcement at E3 that they're redoing GoldenEye 007.  Anyway, this entry is not about that.

Most generally, I'm a composer of music. But, over the past two or three months, I've been trying my hand at videogame design.
First, let me dispel a common belief on this point.  Game design is not the same as game development.  When one designs a game, one creates the plot outline, the characters, the setting, all of the sort of thing that makes for a smashing film.  To give you an example, what I've done is to make a plot outline, a screenplay (kind of like a movie script), three control schemes (mapping intended game controls to the most naturally-feeling buttons on the controllers -- in this case, the Classic Controller, Classic Controller Pro, and Wii Zapper), a list of items and their functions (including their strengths and weaknesses), a short list of people I'd like to have playing the voices of the characters, a list of the levels and mission objectives in the game, some limited level design (I just wanted to see some things in 3D... I'll leave most of this step to the developers), and a list of miscellaneous things that I'd like to have the game be able to do.

So, this design I've come up with happens to fall within the James Bond series.  The idea came, more or less, out of frustration with the controls for the Wii version of 007 Quantum of Solace. The Wii-Zapper-only control scheme, whilst innovative as far as Bond games go, is too difficult to use for gamers who have become accustomed to controlling Bond with the traditional gamepad and thumbstick.  There are other aspects of Quantum which I remedied in my design also, but they are too great in number to list here.

Now, without giving too much of the plot away, it takes place, mostly, in the Kansai region of Japan. An entrepreneur from Osaka has come up with a plan to re-imperialise Japan, whilst simultaneously depressing the economies of every other world power (the global recession does not apply here), putting the world at the mercy of Japan.
I like to think that the potential gameplay here is far superior to that of Quantum or even the more popular ones, like NightFire.  Why? I think I've managed to recapture the essence of the best Bond game, GoldenEye 64.
I read an article written by Martin Hollis, GoldenEye's chief director, about how he approached the task of making the 17th Bond film into a videogame.  When it came time to create the levels and missions, he played Super Mario 64 all the way through several times to get inspired.  What he came away from that gaming marathon with was that players like to explore the game world. Especially after seeing levels like Bob-Omb Battlefield, where the player can move Mario about the place anywhere they desire, GoldenEye was definitely going to incorporate exploration. For example, the Severnaya levels, Surfaces I and II -- just like Mario 64, wide spaces for the player to explore, but also with what would be judged at first glance as being "amateurish" level design: making areas of the level that have nothing to do with the mission (the observatory and the westernmost huts in particular).
So, the point is, players like to explore. Whether a place has anything to do with anything or not, the player will go there. I remember that, when I played GoldenEye for the first time, I would make up my own mission objectives in my head. I approached Surface 1 like a playset, really, where Bond was my favourite toy -- I would pretend to be a guard and walk around on patrol. Other times, I would pretend that the hut with the camera on it was an office. All kinds of stuff.

I think the mistake that other developers have made with the Bond series is that they will typically play the previous game in the line and see how they can improve upon it. After GoldenEye, Eurocom developers played it to figure out what to change in The World is not Enough. Whoops, missed something -- meh, we'll make it better in Agent Under Fire. Okay, Agent Under Fire failed spectacularly... better play T.W.I.N.E. again.  Hey, that was interesting -- now, let's change the viewpoint to 3rd person.
Amidst all of that "improvement", they never stopped to think about what really made GoldenEye great. Sure all of those games had GoldenEye-like multiplayer modes, which was a good thing, sure. But look at it from Martin Hollis's viewpoint again -- he didn't have anything to compare his project to (perhaps Virtua Cop, though), so Rareware made GoldenEye based on inspiration from all of these other sources, like Mario 64.  No one's ever stopped to think about how much of the Bond game series owes its success to Super Mario 64 and Miyamoto-san's love of exploration.
That's the secret to making a really nifty Bond game.  In Quantum, you couldn't play however you wished. Sometimes, you'd be under such heavy fire that, half the time, you'd be scrambling for cover, whilst you'd spend the rest of that time trying your damndest to get through the level without being killed. Other times, you'd have a time limit -- usually a very strict one. Or, if you strayed behind to look at that sign some more, you'd fail a mission objective and have to restart.  More or less, the game would control the player.
In GoldenEye 007, you knew how many guards there were in a particular area and you knew which guards would come running in if they heard your shots.  You knew what guns there were, you could pick them up by simply running into them, and you could carry as many guns and items as you could find. When you aimed at something from a distance, you didn't see another sniper aiming right at you who could kill you in one shot -- you often saw an oblivious, patrolling guard with a pointlessly inaccurate gun with which he couldn't possibly hit you from that distance if he tried.  "Not very challenging," you might say. Which would you prefer to play? A game that you can play for hours because you want to? Or a game that you must play for hours because the game has made you so tense that you can't do anything else?

I don't have any really fast action in my design. It's not completely boring, though -- there's enough action to keep one playing for a while, but not to the point where the game reaches out and grabs you by the collar and holds you there until you've finished it.
For the most part, I've considered Mario more than James Bond in the design -- you can explore and fight simultaneously, or you can fight then explore, or you can explore then fight.  Plus, there's a rather lengthy list of stuff that you can unlock if you either meet a time requirement or you collect enough points, I haven't decided yet.

Hopefully, Activision will see things my way. None of the normal channels available to the consumer are working, though. I hope to find a workaround before they release GoldenEye this fall.  That's the best time to present a new idea, before they can have any ideas of their own.

Posted by theniftyperson at 10:43 PM CDT

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As you may well know, the fate of the classic N64 game, GoldenEye 007, is something of an unknown at this time.  I mean, it was M4D-L337 nifty, so much so that it came very close to outselling Super Mario 64 and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Nintendo's most successful 1st-party games for the Fifth Generation.
However, in the early part of the 21st century, Rareware, GoldenEye's developers, were somehow wrested away from Nintendo by Microsoft. They continued to make games for Nintendo as a Microsoft subsidiary until the release of their own console, the Xbox, in 2001. There were a few Rareware (now called Rare, Ltd.) games released for Nintendo's GameCube and Game Boy Advance, but there was still the matter of GoldenEye on everyone's minds.

Here's how it all went down...
Sometime in 1995, after the release of GoldenEye, the 17th James Bond film starring Pierce Brosnan, Nintendo approached Rareware, one of their 2nd-party developers, to make a game for their new Ultra 64 console that was in development (which was later renamed "Nintendo 64") based on the GoldenEye film. This film was released to mixed feelings by the critics, the consensus being that it had enough action to divert the viewer's attention from the thin plotline. So, Rareware worked and worked and the Nintendo 64 was released to wide acclaim and they worked some more until, in 1997, they released the finished product: GoldenEye 007.  Being the iPhone 4 of its day, the game sold so many units, there were no more to be had for the 1997 holiday season. There was such high demand for it that store personnel had but to place the games on the shelves and fifty people per copy showed up to buy them.  Eventually, everyone who wanted GoldenEye 007 got GoldenEye 007 and sales began to slow, then stopped altogether in 2001 when the N64 was phased out by GameCube.  Sometime during GoldenEye's selling-spree, Rareware was purchased by Microsoft, which complicated matters for all of the games Rare made for Nintendo.
Fast forward to 2007. Nintendo have phased out GameCube with Wii. One of Wii's principal selling points was that it could connect to the Internet and access a server maintained by Nintendo, where the player could spend a few quid and get re-releases of classic games, like Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, and Metroid -- even games from long-lost competitors, such as Sonic the Hedgehog -- which could be downloaded right to the console and accessed at any time.  Well, une grande surprise, people began to clamour for GoldenEye 007 again.

The James Bond series's situation had become very much more tricky since the year 1998. What happened then? Rareware handed over the Bond rights to Electronic Arts, Inc.  In total, seven James Bond games were released on various consoles under the EA Games label. One of those games was the critically-panned GoldenEye: Rogue Agent, which was accused of capitalising on the name GoldenEye, when the game had very little to do with James Bond, himself.
Then, in 2008, matters were complicated even further, with EA handing over the rights to Bond to Activision.  Thus far, they've released one Bond game, with another in the pipeline. 007 Quantum of Solace was released for the 2008 holiday season for each of the Seventh Generation consoles (Wii, DS, Xbox 360, and PlayStation 3), where it got mixed reviews depending on the console. Critics called the Wii version everything from "trash" to "rubbish", as the developers had optimised the game for the more powerful Xbox 360, making it run comparitively slowly on Wii. But, I digress.
The next Activision Bond game has brought new life into the old issue again.  Why? Because of the game's subject matter and title...

GoldenEye 007.
A Wii-exclusive revisioning of the critically-acclaimed N64 game, with Daniel Craig in place of Pierce Brosnan -- the storyline has been altered to fit Craig's shockingly revisionist James Bond into the post-Cold War plot of the original film.  It seemed to go over quite well at E3 recently, but there are many who do not believe Activision can pull it off, especially on the heels of the unsuccessful Wii port of Quantum.
Irrelevant, really -- the issue is the original GoldenEye 007. Now that a new game with the same title is being released for Wii, what should happen with the classic?

I believe I've found the answer.

Some months, closer to a couple of years ago, Microsoft announced that they had given GoldenEye 64 a makeover -- improved graphics and audio all around -- and were planning to release it to their Xbox Live Arcade service for purchase and download.  However, red flags went up at Nintendo, whose lawyers stopped the process dead in the water.  At this point, Microsoft now has a flashy-looking new GoldenEye 007 all finished, but collecting dust in a mainframe somewhere, because Nintendo is calling them out on copyright infringement.
What to do now? Excuse the cliché, it's as plain as the nose on your face!

The flashy-looking, made-over GoldenEye should be released to XBLA for the new players who hate old graphics.  Whilst at the same time, the ROM from the original GoldenEye 007 should be released to Wii Virtual Console for the veteran gamers who prefer this classic game over Call of Duty.  Then, half the money from the downloads of these two versions of the same game should be given to MGM to fund the production of the next James Bond film.  Then, Activision can release their totally new GoldenEye 007 and either make loads of money or learn a valuable lesson on messing about with classic games.
It's the most equitable solution on all sides of the issue. The N64/Xbox converts get their game, the gamernerds (like me) who like the game's classic look get our game, Nintendo and Microsoft get their money, MGM get support from the gamers, and Activision can release their game like nothing ever happened.

Posted by theniftyperson at 3:37 AM CDT

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For those who were unaware, this year's Electronic Entertainment Expo (more frequently referred to as "E3 2010") began this week.  In the relatively short time they've been active, E3 has already seen the introduction, ostensibly, of the Eighth Generation of gaming consoles.
"Eighth Generation? Why's that so important?" you ask. Well, consider the following...
In 1983, Nintendo Company released the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES -- also known as Famicom, Famicon, or FamiKon: all are variants on the same abbreviation, "Family Computer"). That was in the Third Generation.  Presently, with Nintendo's Wii and DS/DSi, Sony's PlayStation3, and Microsoft's Xbox 360, we are in the Seventh Generation.

Now, consider also that the Seventh Generation officially began with the release of the Nintendo DS in 2004, so, in tech terms, it's aging. Imagine having an iPod and not upgrading it for six years. Or, imagine still using Windows XP Service Pack 2.
In this regard, one can definitely see that technology has moved on since the release of the original Seventh Generation consoles.

Back on task.
As the Nintendo DS spearheaded the Seventh Generation, it's logical to assume that another iteration of the DS would blaze the trail for the Eighth Generation. It is doing so with a vengeance.
Taking leaps and bounds over its principal competitor, PSP, Nintendo's new DS, the 3DS is a play on words. It combines "DS" with "3D".  Now, you're thinking, "Wait a tick -- the Nintendo DS had 3D graphics, too!"
You'd never know it to look at the 3DS. In this case, the "3D" means the technical advance in display technology on television sets and mobile phones.  You know how you go to the cinema and you receive a pair of glasses to wear during the film, creating the illusion of physical depth in the 2-dimensionally projected image, as though by magic?  The 3DS is the first portable dedicated gaming device to integrate the same technology pioneered by the film industry into its display, only without the glasses.  Honourable Master Shigeru Miyamoto said it best...

"The additional dimension of depth in [the 3DS] makes it easier for players to judge distances while giving developers a new tool to create games and experiences that play with both height and depth."

As I said. You wouldn't know the original DS was a 3D gaming system by playing something on the 3DS.
Talking of something to play on the 3DS, a game console, regardless of its functions and abilities, has no reason for existence without a supply of nifty games to play upon it.  How about this...?

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Nifty enough for ye?
As Miyamoto-san also said, there is little purpose in simply recreating an old game for a new console. You could remake every best-selling game in gaming history, but at the end, you would still end up with nothing more than a lot of old games with improved graphics (cough-cough-Xbox Live Arcade-cough) -- there would be none of the reasons that people play games: challenge and exploration. If Nintendo were to simply port Ocarina of Time to 3DS and give it all of the appropriate graphical features, everyone who played it on N64 or has it on Wii Virtual Console would just play through as they would normally. We know where everything is: all the Golden Skulltulas, all the Gossip Stones -- we'd know how to defeat every boss, overcome every challenge, play every ocarina song, whistle along with Honourable Master Kondo's musical themes. No challenge at all.
So, they haven't done that with Ocarina of Time 3DS. They've put in distinct and noticeable similarities to the original game, but they've also built upon it -- added new challenges, replaced some of the bosses, made new areas to explore, composed some new music.

But, here's the purpose of this entry.
Whilst Nintendo DS is aging gracefully, what will Wii do?
E3 2010 has also seen the introduction of The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, the next Zelda platformer for Wii. Typically, a console will only have two Zelda games released for it. N64's were Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, the latter of which was released in 2000, just a few short months prior to the release of GameCube.
GameCube's were The Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, the latter of which was released not only for Wii, also, but only a month and a half before the release of Wii itself!
Now, Wii will have its two Zeldas: Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword.
Come late fourth-quarter, Wii's days will be numbered.  Of course, there's no way to tell how long a console's reign will last, unless one works as a technical designer for the game hardware developer that released it.  In other words, Wii could last for another four years, or it could be replaced in the second quarter of 2011. We, the gamers, don't know.

Another interesting thing before I quit wasting your time.
Customarily, it is Mario or Luigi who introduce the next-generation consoles. Although they didn't introduce it, the NES had Super Mario Bros.  The Super NES had Super Mario World. The N64 had Super Mario 64. The GameCube had Luigi's Mansion.
However, Wii had Zelda: Twilight Princess.  A game starring Link as the central character, not Luigi or his brother.
Nintendo rang in the Seventh Generation with Super Mario 64 DS. They will ring in the Eighth Generation with The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on 3DS.

Interesting. Nifty stuff. Needless to say, gamers will want for nothing over the next several months.

Posted by theniftyperson at 2:23 AM CDT

Updated: Friday, 18 June 2010 4:22 AM CDT

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I was in Shopko the other day, where I beheld three Batman action figures on the clearance rack.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, an observant sector sensitive to pleasing colour-schemes activated as I looked at these figures. I don't even like Batman, yet I was captivated by these toys.
The area of my brain that was the most active was one which I hadn't had need for since the late '90s. It was the same perception centre which controlled my interest in the Incredible Crash Dummies. I would use it in the Toys section of whatever store I happened to be in.

The novelty? Colour.
Each Batman had a different thing it could do, thus meriting the need for a diverse colour scheme.

Why is this remarkable, anyway?  'Cos, nowadays, it's all about continuity in the toy-making industry.  Taking for example Buzz Lightyear. You have a range of Buzz action figures, each with a separate ability -- say, a space-wings Buzz, a talking Buzz, a laser Buzz, a karate-chopping Buzz. But, even with all of these fantastic features in the range of stock, you only ever see Buzz in the same colour scheme. A white base, green pads, and purple trim.
I referenced the '90s in the title because action figures released during the first half of that decade would have a different colour scheme depending on the function each iteration would perform.  Take for example, my old standby, Inspector Gadget.  You would have a range of Inspector Gadgets, each capable of a different thing. Gadget Hat, Gadget Legs, Gadget Arms, Gadget Neck, Gadget Copter, Gadget Watergun, and Fumble Gadget (akin to the Crash Dummies: press a button on his back and he falls apart).  Now, each of these Gadgets merited a different colour scheme. Only Gadget Hat was the same blue and grey colour as the cartoon character. Gadget Legs wore two tones of blue, Gadget Arms wore lavender and green, Neck wore violet and green (I think), Watergun wore a dull green and blue, and Fumble Gadget wore yellow and blue.  See? Each function had a different colour scheme to distinguish between the others in the line.

The Crash Dummies, too, were made in similar fashion. Granted, there was a great deal of functional overlap between the figures in the line (in 1991 alone, there were seven dummies who would fall apart on demand), but each dummy was given a different name. Each name, in turn, got a different colour.  Spin was my personal favourite. He wore a purplish-blue colour.  Of course, colours all across the spectrum were given to the dummies. White, grey, blue, red, yellow, green, purple, red and blue, red and grey.  Only Daryl and Spare Tyre performed different functions and had different shapes, but the line still managed to be one of the more colourful in toymaking history. I'm convinced their colours and novel functions for the time were what made them the most-remembered 1990s toy line.

The point? It's good to see that at least one toy company has seen the value in the need for colour variation.  Children are attracted to colour. Hence the appeal of a candy shop. If all of the sweets in a particular line are blue, regardless of flavour, some kids will like it, but most will not. The candy-makers know this. To that end, confectioners have created a sort of synesthesia, inasmuch as they colour their creations based on its flavour.
"Synesthesia?" you ask, puzzled.  Yes. The general definition is, a fusion of two or more senses. In this case, taste or smell and sight.  A child who likes bananas will probably like the colour yellow. However, if that child had an jalapeno-flavoured Jelly Belly bean, he will probably be wary of dark green.
Particularly as a child, one's favourite colour will govern what they want to have purchased for them.  Me, I was totally into grape Kool-Aid in 1991, so it's no wonder I was attracted to the similarly-coloured Crash Dummy, Spin.

Variety is the spice of life, after all. Toymakers ought not to forget that.

Posted by theniftyperson at 2:20 AM CDT

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According to various sources who have posted blog entries and news articles to the James Bond page on Facebook, it seems as though Mr. Bond has finally been defeated. After decades of eluding death by SPECTRE, Jaws, and other freelance ne'er-do-wells with messianic complexes, Agent 007 may finally have met his death by the very company that made him great: Metro Goldwyn Mayer.
Evidently, MGM has run afoul of the economy crash (made with pride in the USA, from the same brilliant minds what brought you trust-funds, Ponzi schemes, and trans-fats) -- to that end, they've postponed the next Bond film indefinitely.

Now, don't get me wrong -- it's unfortunate and all, that the world's greatest action hero for half a century has to suffer the decisions of a few greedy bastards in New York City -- but, I don't believe for a fraction of a second that the Bond series will simply fade away.  Established by Ian Fleming in 1953, the James Bond franchise has infiltrated the very fabric of society.  Go up to a random person on the street of any age group and say, "James Bond."  Some will regale you with their favourite line from a Bond film (usually, "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!" from Goldfinger), some will start whistling Monty Norman's James Bond Theme, some will tell you how many kills they're notorious for in GoldenEye 007 multiplayer.
It's like Star Trek. Go up to another random person and do the Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper," they'll say.  The Star Trek series is so intertwined with society that new technological advances are based on equipment seen on a Star Trek show.  James Bond, of course, is not like that. The stuff that comes out of Q Branch is generally too specialised to have a productive use in real everyday life.
The point is, Star Trek hadn't had a television programme or a film for years until J.J. Abrams comes out with a new Star Trek film, expected to be followed in a year or so by a sequel.  Before that, the CBS situation comedy, The Big Bang Theory, is built somewhat around Trek references (e.g. "rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock").

In other words, I'm unconvinced that the James Bond series is as fragile as people make it out to be.  Remember, there was a six-year hiatus between License to Kill and GoldenEye. During that time, the old cliché was absolutely right, absence did, in fact, make the heart grow fonder.  There was a greater turnout in cinemas for GoldenEye than there was for either of the Dalton-era Bond films.  After all, MGM had been trying to sign Pierce Brosnan as James Bond since A View to a Kill, but his contractual obligations to Remington Steele prevented it.
But, fortunately, just in case anyone has any lingering doubts, the indefinite hiatus between Quantum of Solace and whatever Bond #23 might be has an extra card to play -- one that License to Kill didn't have.

Videogames.

Certainly, there were computer games based on James Bond, but none were as dramatically successful as Rareware's GoldenEye 007.  That game launched the Bond franchise into orbit of the gaming industry, alongside Mario and The Legend of Zelda.  Needless to say, it brought new popularity to the first-person shooter genre for game developers, trying to capitalise on GoldenEye's success (there probably wouldn't be a Halo series, were it not for GoldenEye 007).
Putting it another way, the Bond series will weather the economic crisis through the popularity of its multimedia ventures. People will watch the James Bond Ultimate Collection on DVD and play the Bond games until the next film is released.  Then, they will see the film, buy the film, play the games, watch the other films, until Bond #24 is released.

To answer the question posed in the title of this entry:
Has James Bond met his death by MGM?

No.

Posted by theniftyperson at 1:04 PM CDT

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Happy Mario Day!  Wowser... it's unreal to think that 364.5 days could pass so quickly!  I don't recall much about Mario Day '09, but I remember Mario Day '08 as though it were yesterday. I had purchased Super Smash Bros. Brawl the day before and couldn't wait all the way until Mario Day (all 13.7 hours) to play it, so I spent the majority of the evening in The Subspace Emissary, trying to unlock Luigi.  The next day, I decided to take the easy route and play Vs. mode a lot until I got him.

So, why is today "Mario Day"?  Well, to continue the tradition of explaining it every year, here is why it's Mario Day.  "March" is sometimes abbreviated, "Mar" -- this is the tenth day of March. On an old milk carton in my refrigerator, it reads "USE BY MAR10".  See? "MAR10" -- Mario in Leet (not in |\/|4[} 1337 ["mad leet"], just plain old Leet).

Even though there is no month called "Luvember" with one hundred sixty-one days (becoming "LU161"), there is a Luigi Day. It comes directly after Mario day, March the 11th.

Posted by theniftyperson at 12:01 AM CST

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In the previous entry, I provided a partial listing of all of my Super Mario 64 Mario recolouring codes.  The principle behind each of the recolours is the hexadecimal colour value -- just like in HTML, where hyperlinks and page backgrounds are given colour through the entry of a hex colour value, certain videogames apply colour to characters and objects in the same fashion. 
Say you have a colour that you really like -- let's say this nifty lime-green colour. You come across it in Microsoft Paint one day and you run it through an online RGB-to-Hex converter.  You discover that this colour's hexadecimal value is #00CC00.  This value, no matter where you go in the world or what kind or age of computer you use, will always be this particular shade of green.  Why is this?  Because somewhere, hardwired into the motherboard, is a piece of circuitry that contains a compendium of all possible hexadecimal colour values. The total number of values supported by that display adaptor depends on the age, of course (an Apple IIc might not know what colour #A0F9CC is, whilst an iPhone would).

Anyway, what's the point to all of this?  Super Mario 64 got me thinking.  Once I discovered how the Nintendo 64 knew that Mario wears a red shirt and blue overalls, I got to thinking, "What other games colour stuff with hexadecimal values?"  I'm a tinkerer by nature. My favourite things to tinker with are videogames, inasmuch as devices like the GameShark and Action Replay make it so much simpler.  On the other hand, I prefer to mess with stuff myself.  You'll note that all but two of the Mario 64 recolours are of my own creation and cannot be found elsewhere on the Internet.  Even though someone else laid the groundwork by isolating the specific codes that govern the colours of Mario's parts, I made my own colours to put on those parts.  To that end, I thought it would be jolly nifty if there were other games that might have character recolouring codes.
Here is the list of games that may potentially let hackers... er... tinkerers alter the look of the characters...

-Super Mario 64
-Mario Golf 64
-Mario Party 1
-The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
-The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
-Super Smash Bros.
-Super Smash Bros Melee
-Super Smash Bros Brawl
-The Sims for sixth-generation game consoles
-The Sims Bustin' Out for GCN, etc.
-The Sims Bustin' Out for GBA
-The Urbz for GCN, etc.
-The Urbz for GBA and DS
-Super Mario Sunshine
-Super Mario Galaxy
-New Super Mario Bros.
-New Super Mario Bros. Wii
-The Sims 3

Now, these are just the games that I know of. I'm sure there are many other games that colour their characters with hexadecimal.
Also, you'll notice that a few of the games I listed there seem to use raster images instead of straight Super Mario 64-like hex colouring.
Around about the end of the Nintendo 64's lifetime (late fifth-generation), PNG images and alpha-channel became more widely-used. 
For instance, Super Smash Bros. Melee and its successor, Brawl, use PNGs to create the general look of a character's clothing and then hexadecimal to colour it.  Let's take Mario for example. In Melee, Mario had seven parts to his outfit: Hat, hat brim, shirt, overalls, overalls clasps/rivets, gloves, and shoes.  Also, even though these never changed, his skin and hair were probably also included in that list.  The PNG created all of the seams, stitching, and creases in Mario's clothes, and the hex values gave his clothes their colour.

I listed The Sims 3, but I know that it uses hex colouring values. How do I know this?  Those who have played the game know that Create-a-Style Mode has the option to recolour things with hex in the Colour Numbers tab.

Hex codes... they're not just for webpages anymore.

Posted by theniftyperson at 8:38 PM CST

Updated: Monday, 25 January 2010 9:36 PM CST

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A few months ago (admittedly, right on the release date), I went swiftly to GameStop and purchased The Sims 3 at full price.
Typically, I prefer to buy EA stuff secondhand, to ensure that none of my money goes to the executives' pocketbooks.  However, for one reason or another, I bought the game retail -- completely new, it was.
Anyway, I got it home and, after three hours of meandering about my computer, deleting stuff, defragmenting, and finally updating my (albeit, worthless) video chipset, I got the game to actually run.  Graphical artifacts associated with my unsupported chipset notwithstanding, the game is a complete waste of time. Things that were introduced to players at the outset of the series in 2000 were either forgotten or disregarded. Community lots were nigh-uncustomisable. Sims faces became more difficult to edit than they were in The Sims 2.  Everything that one builds or buys is so substandardly textured that one spends three-quarters of one's time in Create-a-Style Mode.  In-game music customisation took a step backward, inasmuch as all of the building modes and Create-a-Sim Mode's background music cannot be customised. Any individual songs that the player doesn't particularly care for cannot be disabled.  Plus, Steve Jablonsky's score isn't that good in the first place.  Half of it is re-arrangements of Mutato Muzika songs from the previous game, the other half is interchangeable with Desperate Housewives.

So, that's The Sims 3 in general, unexpanded.  Providing little, lacking much.
Now, presented with such a worthless game as The Sims 3, one must step back and ask oneself, "Is this worth expanding?"  Whilst it is very true that expansion packs are, by their very nature, optional pieces of software intended to supplement the base game with new objects, characters, and areas, I cannot see my way to expanding this game.

"But, Spiny," you say, "If there's something you wanted in the base game that wasn't there, maybe it's in the expansion pack!"
That's the key right there... maybe. You don't know until you've spent your money, gotten it home and installed it. Game developers (EA in particular) are not typically forthcoming as to exactly what is contained in their expansion pack.  They provide you with a title, some screenshots, and a paragraph or two to summarise, but I've never seen an itemised list of the exact contents of the expansion pack given before release.
Fortunately, in cases such as that, one has the Internet and thus gaming websites, whose contributors spend their money so you don't necessarily have to.  If one waits a while, one will eventually find a complete list of new features to show up on a website such as GameFAQs.com.

Getting back to the root of the problem: the main issue is, is this game worth expanding?  Allow me to explain by referencing The Sims 2.  There were certain expectations of what should be in The Sims 2 after The Sims had been thoroughly played through and all of the creation modes had been totally explored.  These expectations were the basis for what was released with The Sims 2.
Now, The Sims original did have expansion packs. Not everything found in these expansion packs could be found in The Sims 2 and supplementary software was released to combat this problem.  Eventually, The Sims 2, when fully expanded, did contain about 95% of what The Sims original had.
But, what made The Sims 2 worth expanding and The Sims 3 worthy of total ignorance?
Answer: nearly all expectations of what the unexpanded Sims 2 should have in it were met.  Whilst the unexpanded Sims 3 fell short of that mark and then some.  Not only did The Sims 3 fail to include things that were introduced in the unexpanded Sims 2, it also failed to include things that were introduced in the unexpanded Sims original.

The real reason, I guess, all comes back down to money.  Personally, I feel insulted that I paid fifty quid for something that, in terms of furnishing items, is inferior to The Sims original.  Additional insult comes in the form of the thought that Electronic Arts feels compelled to make me pay even more money across a longer expanse of time to get The Sims 3 up to the point when it becomes equal to its predecessor's predecessor.
It's like buying a Wii console and finding out that it's actually a case-mod of a Super NES.
To put it another way, it's like buying a 2010 model automobile and finding out that it only gets four miles per gallon of petrol.

So, it appears that the answer to the question posed in the title of this entry is, "No, The Sims 3 is not worth expanding."

Posted by theniftyperson at 6:31 PM CST

Updated: Tuesday, 19 January 2010 5:17 PM CST

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Well, actually, the title is a tad misleading. I don't know who the very first person was to claim Luigi was in Super Mario 64 or who created the first doctored screenshot to support that claim.
However, I do know how they did it, whoever it was, and that is the subject of this ancillary entry.

I recently added my own material to the "Luigi in Mario 64" rumour (which is, for all intents and purposes, long dead) in the form of this picture...

It's as simple as they come, this picture.  "Luigi" superimposed over a shot of Mario looking to his left.
I posted this on a Super Mario 64 Facebook fan page not too long ago, where it seems to be fairly popular. However, I get the idea that it's still fooling people (despite the word "simulation" written in the bottom right corner).  So, to dispel any remaining hints of deception, I shall recount how I made this screenshot.

Using a Super Mario 64 ROM, I took a much earlier shot of a GameShark costume recolour code in action. This shot here...

This is my own Luigi code, the exact colour values in which I will not disclose.  Now, the green colour of Mario's hat and shirt and the darker-than-average blue colour of his overalls are genuine. I set them using the costume recolouring codes.  The "L" on his hat is not genuine -- I put that on, myself, using Microsoft Paint.

So, I took that picture. Then, I blanked out the void-space around Mario, ending up with this...

I used that wonky magenta colour because, as I intended to insert "Luigi" into other pictures, I needed a transparent colour that cannot be found on "Luigi", himself -- sort of like on the evening news. There's a weatherman standing in front of what appears to be a map, when in reality, he is standing in front of a matte-screen coloured with something that isn't commonly found in clothing and doesn't reflect its colour onto skin.

I, then, took another screenshot with the Mario 64 ROM: this one being a normal gameplay shot of Mario standing in a palace corridor, facing the camera. I waited to take the picture until he turned his head in the direction I wanted to put "Luigi", that way it would appear as though he were looking at his brother.

Now, simply superimposing that "Luigi" over the screenshot of Mario would be a bit hasty. Why? One glaring reason... Luigi would have no shadow. The solution is simpler than one may think.  All I had to do was to copy Mario's shadow and feet in Microsoft Paint and paste them where I wanted Luigi to go.  Since Luigi is, in fact, a recoloured Mario, his feet fit perfectly over the copy. Also, the carpet texture in the featured room is complex enough for one not to notice a slight square-shaped repetition around the shadow.

So, Mario and Luigi in a Super Mario 64 palace corridor...

1. Recolour Mario
2. Photograph Mario and blank out the void space around him
3. Photograph Mario without the recolour
4. Copy Mario's shadow and place it elsewhere in the picture
5. Superimpose the recoloured Mario over the shadow
6. Achieve Internet fame!

Posted by theniftyperson at 12:01 AM CST

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The equation that explains why all life was created.

I'm sure you've done it at some time or other...
You have some extra time on your hands, so you look around your cubicle or school desk to see what you can do to stave off a visit from Mister Sand-Man.  "Hmm," you say to yourself, "A pen, a notepad... hey, I've got a zany idea!"
You start to draw a little figure on the edge of the paper. Maybe a stick figure or a ball, maybe a cube. Anyhow, you draw it once -- turn the page -- draw it again, only with slight differences -- turn the page -- draw it again, variating it slightly again.  Repeating this process ten or fifteen times, you cap your pen, return to the first page of the notepad, and flip through the pages.

In this manner, you have created a flipbook.

What is a flipbook?  Technically speaking, a flipbook is a crude method of stop-motion animation.  Stop-motion (or, "claymation" -- a misnomer, as not all stop-motion is clay-based) is the process of animating a figure by photographing it, moving it slightly, photographing it again, moving it slightly, and doing this until viewing the photographs in sequence at high speed creates the illusion that the figure is moving on its own.
Have you seen Wallace & Gromit? Chicken Run? That execrable Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer that CBS insists on showing every Christmas?  All of that is stop-motion. Basically, a fancy feature-length flipbook.

I remember back in primary school, I was rather, shall we say, "obsessed" with flipbooks. It all started when I got a Toy Story flipbook from someplace or other. It was the scene where Woody tricks Buzz Lightyear into believing there is an alien behind him, then Woody laughs until he falls over.  On the reverse side was Rex roaring at Mr. Potato Head and blowing all of his parts off.
I figured, "Hey, I can make something like this!", so I gathered all of the notepads I could find (I even nicked one from school -- don't tell anyone) and started animating like mad.
Of course, the attention span of an eight-year-old is not that lengthy, and I started doing other things after a week or so.

Why do I bring this up?
I've gotten myself a Nintendo DSi for Christmas this year. To prepare for what I want to do with the console once I open the package on the 25th, I decided to go to the DSi website, just to look at what is available, DSiWare-wise.  One can't own a DSi and not take advantage of DSiWare... it's just not done.
Well, as it happens, a couple of Nintendo staffers came up with the idea to make a virtual flipbook into which one can draw with the stylus.
What really got me hooked into this FlipNote Studio, as it's called, was a demo animation made by Aardman Animation Studios. As any Wallace & Gromit fan can tell you, Aardman are crazy good at stop-motion animating.
Looking into the matter further, I found that the application had been the subject of the "Iwata Asks" segment (wherein Nintendo president, Satoru Iwata, interviews people involved with development of consoles and certain games).  There were two interviews: one with the developers, one with a veteran animator who worked for Nintendo until 2007.  This animator, one Yoichi Kotabe, actually designed Mario's modern appearance, as well as those of everyone else in the Mario series.  At the end of that interview, he was asked to use FlipNote Studio (known as Ugomemo in Japan) to make short animations.

After I found all of this information, I knew I would be using FlipNote Studio. And I shall.

However, until December 25th, I've found my old notepads and I've started drawing stick figures again. And again, and again, and again, and again, and...

Posted by theniftyperson at 1:53 AM CST

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Ah, The Mind's Rubbish Bin. Ostensibly, the principal reason why this website exists.  TMRB is full of stuff I know that I can't possibly use. When I learn a piece of worthless information, I'll dump it into The Mind's Rubbish Bin so I can use that brain cell for a more important piece of knowledge.  It's my repository of pointless minutiae, really.

But, there are some pieces of information that are more memorable than others.
To that end, over the course of the next few months, I shall be compiling a list of a hundred or so of the best items from TMRB, both the page on the site and just in general.  When I'm done with it, I'll post it here and as a note on my Facebook account.

Posted by theniftyperson at 6:38 PM CST

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Maybe I'm the only one who has noticed this, but it appears to me that more and more otherwise innocent girl cartoon characters are being made into objects of male sexual fantasy.  I'm not just talking about manga, either -- the hentai (pornographic manga) fetish has been around for a long time. So long, in fact, that it's rather become mainstream. One expects to see bishoujo (Japanese slang for "pretty girl") prominently displayed on posters, book covers, and clothing.

No, I mean the more recent stuff.  Well, relatively recent, anyway.
Allow me to use Tinker Bell as an example.  We all know that Tinker Bell (or, simply, "Tink") is a pixie and friend of Peter Pan.  In the 1953 Walt Disney film, Tink attempts to free herself from a jewellery box through the keyhole, only to find that her rear-end will not permit her to exit from there.
Which brings me to my point. That scene was intended originally as your garden-variety butt joke, at which children invariably laugh.
However, somewhere along the line, that scene has been perverted by a voyeuristic spin-doctor, creating sexual tension where there was once German bathroom humour.
Then, sometime in the late '90s, an industrious person of ill-repute got hold of a "How to Draw Disney Characters" book and had his way with the character of Tinker Bell.  For some reason, equally as irksome, Walt Disney Pictures leapt at the chance to use this clear sexual marketing for their official merchandise.  Walk into a Walmart store and have a look at the children's clothing, at the school supplies, you will see what I mean.  A pair of girls' trousers with an image of Tinker Bell in a Marilyn Monroe-ish posture on the front, "TINK" emblazoned across the seat.

Another example is the Paramount character, Betty Boop. Predating the modern Tinker Bell by about twenty years, Betty Boop is, more or less, a representation of a 1920s flapper girl.  Ostensibly, this character is the first to make use of sex-appeal to draw audiences.  Usage of Betty Boop as a sex symbol are still used today.  Down the same row in Walmart where you found Tinker Bell on a pair of trousers, you will undoubtedly find Betty Boop on a shirt.

A far more new-age example, however, shows itself in the characters of the Super Mario princesses, Peach and Daisy.  Both characters began as the de jure rulers of fantasy kingdoms and dressed in royal attire.  As the years progressed, though, the Mario sport games required outfit changes.  In Mario Smash Football, it seems that the characters have gone off clothing altogether, favouring sleeveless midriffs and athletic shorts.

The other Nintendo princess, Zelda, although she does wear actual clothing, is designed as a bishoujo, appealing to the nigh-inbred hentai fetish.

Now, don't get me wrong.  All of this ranting may make me appear as a prude.  I have nothing against sex appeal by human actors. Sex is on television, in the cinema, in magazines, on signboards -- sexual marketing as an institution isn't going away anytime soon.  But, if we could stave off the usage of sex in cartoons for another 150 years, that would be great.  Because, guess what? Kids watch cartoons.  Even if the V-Chip rating is far too high for them.  So, sorry Seth MacFarlane, but if you put a character with sodding great knockers into a Family Guy episode, children will see it. Doesn't matter that it's not your target audience, but that's life, matey.

Posted by theniftyperson at 3:16 AM CST

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Yesterday, I took down the list of nifty people, the list of nifty videogames, and the Charles Martinet page for redesigning.  Since those three pages were the first to be put up on the new Spiny McSpleen's Nifty Website, they really don't match the style of the rest of the website.  Plus, I was never really satisfied with how all of the pictures in the Nifty List were different sizes.

So, for now, those three pages will be unavailable. Barring any unforeseen situations, I'm going to start the redesign this weekend.  When the Nifty List comes back online again, you may notice a few people and games are not on the list. That's because I've decided to make it more difficult for a person or videogame to get onto the list.  Simply being a composer won't get you onto the list -- you need to be a composer of highly unique music. Just because a videogame can steal hours of your life doesn't automatically make it nifty. It needs to have been innovative or done something notable that other games did not.

So, if you tried going to the Nifty List or the Charles Martinet page only to be confronted with an error message, that's why.  Sorry for any inconvenience.

Posted by theniftyperson at 2:54 PM CDT

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