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The Universal Reset
Saturday, 29 January 2011
And now, for something completely the same...

Originally posted on Of Carbon and Silicon, 24 January 2011 

Yes, it's GoldenEye Wii again. Though, perhaps not exclusively... I may end up on a completely different subject by the end of this entry.

So, I'm putting the finishing touches on my updated GoldenEye 64 page. In order to make the proper impression, I've decided to put in a few GameShark codes for those who still have one, or who use software emulation. I was rather surprised to find that there are so few GameShark sites left! Really, you only have maybe two reputable websites featuring GameShark codes anymore: GameFAQs and some bloke's Angelfire GoldenEye fansite. All the rest of them went down with the good ship, H.M.S. Fifth Generation.
Then, when you get right down to it, the very same codes can be found on both websites -- some idiot's list of a thousand glitch-codes with duplication, indecipherable descriptions ("Even worse What-The-Hell-Is-Going-On? Mode") and 3rd-grade spelling mistakes ("Sacurity camras ca'nt see you"), which was written hastily in 1998. I tested a random selection of five of these codes on my emulator ('cos you can't brick software) -- one did what it advertised ("Metal hands"), two did nothing at all, one was clearly mislabelled ("Use N64 controler as a weopon" [sic] performed the function of "OneHit Kill" [sic]), and the other crashed the ROM. I pity the poor 10-year-old souls who bricked their N64s with those codes back in the '90s.
The thing is, there are demonstrations on YouTube of GoldenEye codes that change Bond's outfit (something I've been trying to do since '97), make all weapons gold or silver, let the user combine weapon functions to make an RCP90 fire knives or a DD44 shoot lasers, and make bullet impact-flashes red. I've seen codes in use that arm Scientists with Golden Guns, Facility guards with AR33s, and Ourumov with a grenade launcher. And, guess what? You can't find these codes anywhere on the Internet! And why? Because their creators are too snobbish and miserly to provide them! The worst of the worst of the GoldenEye hacking set is a person known as "SubDrag". Typically, this person manages to get GoldenEye to do something really nifty, but doesn't bother telling the non-hackers how to do it.

That's the second thing (and the first mention of GoldenEye Wii since the first sentence)...
After I gave up my futile quest to find worthwhile GoldenEye 64 GameShark codes, I decided to look up cheat passwords for GoldenEye Wii. Evidently, there are only three in the entire game and all of them have to do with multiplayer mode. Otherwise, there's loads of them and they're being closely guarded by a programmer at Eurocom, who, in all likelihood, will take them to the grave.
I know that Eurocom didn't want to stand in Rareware's 14-year-old shadow when they "re-envisioned" GoldenEye, but... why is it that GoldenEye 64 is the only game in the entire Bond series to have a cheat-options menu? Paintball Mode would have been a blast in Everything or Nothing! NightFire really could have used DK Mode! And, why wouldn't anyone want every guard everywhere in The World is not Enough to have a rocket launcher?
Sure it's reasonably entertaining to turn Oddjob into a karate-chopping homunculus by combining the giant-handed Melee Only mode with the Big-Heads password, but that's only nifty if you happen to have several other players about. I tend to play games alone. I had rather hoped that those two traits would be combined into a sort of re-envisioned DK Mode... sure, there would be graphical oddities as deformed characters interact with the environment, but that kind of uncanny-valley stuff is what made GE64's DK Mode so appealing! Here, in the middle of a James Bond game -- a save-the-world scenario with a serious tone -- is a bunker full of blokes with huge heads. Monty Python would be hard-pressed to come up with something more random than that!
But, I guess the world will never know if it's possible or not, since Ebenezer Scrooge over at Eurocom refuses to let anyone know the secrets of GoldenEye Wii.

Also, I noticed a rather disturbing trend with the cheat-code sites. One into which I never thought to look. About 90% of the sites I found, according to McAfee's SiteAdvisor, contained adware, spyware, malware, spamware, hereware, thereware, elseware, killware, tortureware, talibanware, and just about any other kind of nasty 21st-century leeches you can think of.
For example: Excessive popups, adware, and a potential browser exploit.
Next, Excessive popups, phishing, and a potential browser exploit.
Then, Adware, phishing, spam, and a potential browser exploit.
Noticing a theme here? According to the SiteAdvisor reviewers, many of the cheat-code sites I checked will attempt to gain control of your computer or make it otherwise unusable.
Now, as I understand it, the ultimate goal of any sensible spammer or malware writer is to gain access to a random computer in the hopes of finding some identifying information which can then be used in the process of identity theft. Sure, there may be one or two stupid people left in the US who keeps that kind of thing stored on their computers, but society in general has become so wary of identity thieves that they guard their personal information with more care. Stupid people don't go to gaming sites -- people who need the services of a game or cheat site know enough about computers than to keep identifying material (knowingly or unknowingly) stored on their hard-drives. So... why spike a gaming website? If you really want to buy 32,640 dollars'-worth of electronics under someone else's name, go for a small business's accounts computer! Home computers aren't the things to hack anymore!
Mostly, just keep away from sites where I might happen to go.

Well, look at that... three different topics and only one of them was about GoldenEye Wii.

Posted by theniftyperson at 1:50 PM CST

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